Well, some might say that you should not be reading stuff on the web. Especially these questions and their oh-so-amusing
answers.
Who did you say you were?
Mike Wallis, also known as ~m, or "squiggle" if you can`t read my signature on birthday cards. Some people think my
signature says "Danny", which is quite bizzare. I`m a twentysomething techie/demonstrator at the University of Leeds,
and boy do I work for a living. If people want to argue the toss over whether people at Universities get paid for
sitting on their arses, they can go somewhere else, because I don't have time. If I were in the private sector I'd be
getting paid a lot more than I am doing for this job - how many IT trainers do you know who'd happily demonstrate
techniques in front of 280 people at once? - but I'd have to wear a suit and deal with idiots more. No contest.
Why jeamland.org?
"Imagine you were four years old, and trying to say the word 'Dreamland'."
Many yeas ago, when Andy, Sweep and I were working on a talker, I had just finished Michael Marshall Smith's excellent book,
Only Forward. Read it. Seriously.
We decided to call the talker system "Jeamland", because it was a Dreamland, in effect. You can create
whatever world you want inside a computer, limited by your imagination and your ability to write text-only descriptions of it.
Hence, Jeamland.
I love your stuff! Can you design a website for me?
Sure. I charge a flat rate of 50 quid an hour. When I start going over taxable rates, I'll charge more. If you want
anything special doing, I`ll charge more for that, as well, and if you want it hosting and administrating, well, you'd
better start thinking about selling that spare kidney.
Have you ever thought about going freelance?
Oh, have I. I would love to go freelance, but I don't have enough money to support myself or my family for
six months while I find work. As it is, I have a job that I enjoy, and I get paid sufficient for my needs. And
besides, I`m not that sure my work is that good.
Why do you answer "that information is on my website. Shoo! Shoo!" to certain questions?
It's a Dilbert reference. Sorry.
To be honest, I think Dilbert isn`t that good anymore. There are far more talented web cartoonists out there
who have funnier scripts and better artwork. If someone held a gun to my head and said "pick three", I'd have
to pick Sluggy Freelance, Scary-go-Round and Megatokyo. I would happily bear John Allison's children, but I understand there's a queue.
Can you get hold of Willow's phone number?
No, but then she's just a character in a TV programme. Cute, though.
Beer or chocolate?
Boy, am I the wrong person to ask that question to. The answer is
"both", each and every time.
Chocolate is an excellent source of beta-phenylalanine, which is still being investigated but is thought to
have dopamine-stimulating effects, and over 400 other discrete compounds thought to affect brain function.
Alcohol is debilitaing in large quantities, but compounds in wine are thought to be good for coronary care, and
taken in moderation can be an effective muscle relaxant. A couple of years ago a bar I used to frequent did a
drink called a "Black Jack", which was Jack Daniels, melted
chocolate, and ice-cream. A fair amount of my salary went into their coffers.
Why are so many of your pages the same basic layout?
I like the layout. I used to despise frames, and then I liked them because it meant I only needed to change a style sheet if I wanted to make massive overall changes to the site, and since I started learning how to use PHP I discovered that was a far more efficient way of rigging up pages. I like the menu-down-the-side lark because it's efficient use of space.
Why do you not use pictures very often?
Because I can't draw terribly well, and certainly not with a mouse. A friend of mine once described drawing with a mouse similar
to drawing with a bar of soap, without the fluidity. I`m not a graphics designer, and everything I do computer-wise is self-taught. I only have 2 computer-related books on
my bookshelves; one of those is a very old O'Reilly book on HTML (the cover proudly announces that it "Covers
Netscape 2.0 Extensions") and the other is the NT Server Networking Resource Guide, which I need for the Network Admin
part of my job. As a result, most of my work starts out fairly amateurish, but improves eventually. When I feel I can
make a valuable graphics component to my websites I`ll start adding piccies. I do have a photos section, though; this will be improved upon when I get a couple of spare years.
Didn't I see you in...?
Quite possibly. If your question includes the words "purple hair," then almost certainly. However, I'm not the game designer, nor the professor in Fine Art, and I'm quite definately not the chap who teaches IT skills for undergrads in Biomedical Sciences. Definately not that one.
